INTRO: Object Relations
Totes relatable.
I’ve grown to conceptualize Object Relations as beyond the basic developmental perspective of “how my mother, father, and siblings treated me”. My approach relies on the psyche as preceding circumstances of incarnation, There are three ‘bodies of consciousness’ within the enneagram that contain corresponding organs within each center. Frustration body is frustrated in each center, attachment as attached, and rejection as rejecting respectively. A person’s body of consciousness is determined strictly by the core type. They have the functionality of their object relation inside of the relative other centers but are replacing the ‘substance’ of it with their fix.
To illustrate: a core E4 has the functionality of the E1 in the body and the E7 in the head. That core 4, however, is of the 468 trifix. The 6-fix in the head center is used to preform E7’s mental assertiveness and the 8-fix becomes the criteria for E1’s environmental dissatisfaction. More on that within a post on trifix compositions.
Here, I’ll be covering the basics of each object relation inside of their center.
Attachment (Triad of Oneness)
Formula of relating: Self < Object. Inflating the object to sustain reason of connection; “Do unto others what is expected of you.” Pluralism within their centers.
The Body of Oneness begins at E3, continues to E6, and ends only to start again simultaneously at E9.
Oneness of the attachment body is operating on a sense of holism (the whole being greater than the smaller parts) by seeing itself as the smaller part within a whole. “We are one”. It is cohesion, sameness, harmony with the absence of putting the self above or of equal measure to the grander make-up of the object. It is the stance of “something is wrong with me, I must change” when met with incongruence. E3 establishes its place within the whole, E6 argues which whole should be associated with, and E9 maintains the congruence relative to the whole through viewing themselves as an insignificant part of it. It is the mentality of relating through similarities ( “I bleed red and so do you”) and mirroring the other. “Fitting in” is a common issue with attachment types where this is reflected.
This is because attachment types are the sustaining/resulting force of the Enneagram — they are not establishing wholes like Rejection nor completing the wholes like Frustrations. A society without attachment would collapse on itself due to lack of shared qualities, connectivity, or a foundational baseline of mutually shared interest.
In the face of disconnection, attachment types withdraw from incongruency (E9 as the body of Oneness). “We have nothing in common, therefore there is nothing to connect over”. Depending on their winged influences, they will either debase the incongruent subject (ATwFR) or cease to see it as mattering/important/existent (ATwRJ).
Attachment types, developmentally, have an issue with performance within their respective centers. They have a hard time believing they can somehow prompt the providers of center-focused resources to give them what they need. E3 doesn’t believe that love will come for free and must live a certain way to attain it, E9 does not believe that existence-acknowledgement comes for free and that they must acknowledge other’s existences (even when absent) to attain it, E6 does not believe that guidance comes for free and that they must parse out which sources of navigation are best for securing themselves.
Rejection (Triad of Wholeness)
Formula of relating: Self = Object. Leveling to create control and access; “Do unto others as you would expect done to you.” Dualism within their centers.
The Body of Wholeness begins at E2, continues to E5, and is made ‘full’ at E8.
Rejection is operating on a sense of holism (the whole being greater than the smaller parts) and is seeing themselves as the whole with smaller parts. “The various parts of me”. It is about dominance, ability, scarcity, so it can do without other objects/wholes, creating dependency through their own independence. It sees ‘others’ as parts of their whole. They take the stance of “either you meet me here (enter my whole), or there’s no way for us to relate” which gives to their signature heavily boundaried. Wholeness for a rejection type means that while they accept themselves in their entirety, they tend to restrict others based on what they provide or are to them. They reject the parts of others that do not ‘match’ the dynamic they want to create as to not generate waste of energy, investment, or time.
Rejection types are the active/action forces of the Enneagram. They are creating and establishing what gets to exist within their realm of influence by deciding the objects that get access to the center they provide. A society without rejection will lack a sense of self-regulating, domestic upkeep and will be overly concerned outside of themselves.
In the face of fragmentation, the rejection type begins to see themselves as limited or as empty. Their reaction is to assert themselves as being all-encompassing and absolute (E8 as the body of wholeness). “If you won’t respect me, then it is over” or by amassing wealth in their center. Depending on their winged influences, they will either demand a level of congruence (RJwAT) or of individual acknowledgement (RJwFR).
In a developmental approach, rejection types have an issue with availability within their respectful centers. It is taken that they ‘cut off their need’ for center-focused resources but they do not believe that the provider of it exists within the first place. E2 does not believe the loving object exists, E8 does not believe the protecting object exists, and E5 does not believe the guiding object exists. Thus, they become it. Even if a caretaker offered to be that role for the rejection type, there is a strict need for detachment as to preserve not outsourcing their most important ‘part’ to neglectful others.
Frustration (Triad of Completion)
A/N: Frustration is the triad that I feel I understand the least, or at least it doesn’t come the most natural to me.
Formula of relating: Self > Object. Debasing to generate means of reaching a preferred state; “Do unto others what should be done”. Monism within their centers.
The body of Completion begins at E4, continues at E7, and ends at E1.
Frustration operating within holism (the whole being greater than the smaller parts) is viewing itself as whole and the other/object as having missing parts. “I know what I am”. It is where individualism is born and prioritized within the enneagrammic sense. Frustration is about symmetry, subjectivity, and perfection. Perfection here can be misconstrued in the sense of attachment’s lower self, but frustration’s views on what is ‘perfect’ comes strictly from within and is used to judge what is without. They are judging the resources and providers of their centers. Frustration is an interesting object relation because it is not looking to be satisfied — that is directly against their self-schema. They define their sense of “I” through the perceived insufficiency of others, and it has a hard time looking outside of that. Their way is the best way to them.
Frustration types are the reactive forces of the Enneagram. They are generating moment-by-moment responses to their environment’s incongruency with the hope that they will get what they are after eventually. It is molding the environment through its strict vision. A society without frustration will stagnate and loss its sense of separateness from other societies.
When faced with incompletion, it goes towards it (E1 as the body of completion), which is how it sustains its frustration. “There is something wrong here.” There tends to be a sense of losing oneself once things begin to be too gratifying or harmonious, as they will embark on many ventures for both novelty and ‘learning’. They seek to be in a state of constant evolution through their frustration. Depending on their winged influences, incompletion is either marked by a lack of harmony (FRwAT) or of attempts to restrict, reprimand, or lessen in their signature (FRwRJ)
Developmentally, frustration types have an issue with insufficiency/dissatisfaction within their respective centers. The providing object exists, but it does not interact with or suffice the frustrated type enough of what they need. The frustration type takes to complaint to let the other know what is wrong, but has found this state of lacking to be cathartic. E1 sees autonomy as having to be earned because of a poorly structured environment or injustices/unfairness, E7 sees the future circumstances as threatened due to narrow-minded guidance, and E4 sees a lack of sufficient love and support/chronic disappointment or disinterest as the root of who they are.
To put it simply, the object relational flow happens to be:
Rejection (action) “is there a provider?”-(yes)> Frustration (reaction) “can they provide properly for me?” -(yes)> Attachment (result) “how can I get them to provide for me?”
Within this process, there happens to be a (no) that occurs, which triggers fixation.
Thank you for reading.